1. Start with your attitude: make your mindset one of openness and inclusion. Don’t discount the possibility of love because someone doesn’t share your taste in cars, movies or desserts. You can disagree on politics if you either agree to have coverall discussions of your differences or to keep quiet on the subject.
2. Let your eyes be your ambassadors: keep them glued to the eyes of whomever you’re talking — and listening! — to. Attention, in the form of presence, is a gift you can bestow on everyone you meet, and sustained eye contact is the most powerful tool ever devised for personal connection. When the person you’re conversing with pauses, hesitate a moment before beginning your response, and keep your eyes pinned on his or hers. You’re not staring, just being there and nowhere else.
3. Compliment people on the things they didn’t get from the gene pool. “You have beautiful eyes” doesn’t mean as much as “Yours is a unique and winning sense of humor.” If you observe something admirable in a person’s character or behavior, let him or her know. Instead of “That’s a lovely scarf,” try asking if it was a gift or the person’s selection. If the former, say “The bestower likes you a lot to have chosen something that nice.” If the latter, “You have exquisite taste.”
And here’s an extra tip: Become the kind of person you hope to attract.
Gary Michael teaches the Art of Hearts: Ways to Woo and Wow, Saturday, February 7, 2015 from 10AM to noon. He also teaches Have Them at Hello: Ways to Make a Winning First Impression throughout the year. Browse all Gary Michael’s upcoming classes here.